body betrayal

**(NOTE: THIS PARTICULAR BLOG IS NOT MEANT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO BE INTERPRETED AS COMPLAINING OR WHINING, BUT AS EDUCATIVE AS TO WHAT SOME PEOPLE WITH COMPLEX and/or CHRONIC CONDITIONS  MIGHT DEAL WITH**)
I’m sure sometimes, if you are a faithful follower of this blog, you may be familiar with the concept that I struggle to the core of who I am….and am becoming. The concept? Body Betrayal.
“B- squared” as I occasionally (NOT!) fondly refer it to be, is something that I find neither pleasant nor something I would wish upon any person. The unfortunate thing is that way, way,WAY too many people have experienced ” B.B.”.
What befuddles me is how (seemingly) these people are coping well with this complex ‘syndrome’ – or how they ‘fake’ the realities of what they may be going through. I mean they seem “content” or at least have accepted the body and condition they are dealt. I’m not quite there yet….or even lights years close.
For me, the hardest thing I find – is that after almost sixty years, I have been able to count on myself. I’ve been able to count  my body functioning according to what Webster’s Dictionary would define as ‘normal’. I will spare you the gory and boring details. You can thank me later.
So, in advance, let me extend my condolences for repeating myself, for forgetting dates and functions that you have included me in, as they are important to you (and me, too – I PROMISE!!) and cancelling (if I remember!) at the last minute, but more times than not, after the even has long passed. And I express it HIGELY to my kids and husband who have been more than gracious.
Body betrayal begins as I try to swing my legs over the bed and with some form of gracefulness, attempt to put my slippers on to begin the day. As I sit on the side of my hospital bed, my body begins to let me know that this day is going be one of my “favorite” – a B.B. day…and there is not a thing I can do about it. The numbness in the arms  begins to creep from finger tips to elbows; then my chest starts to tingle – signals to change the position I am holding my head. I have a hard time differentiating the chemotherapy induced neuropathy in my feet, yet soon realize it is NOT neuropathy, rather from the way I am sitting and the pressure I am putting on my lower spine – a spine that is slowly crumbling into chalk dust.
So today, I do my best to do what my wise, sage of a husband says to do: “Go back to bed, TAKE THE PHONE OFF THE HOOK !! AND: REST, rand LISTEN to what your body is saying. Quit fighting and take the time now, or you and everyone else will pay dearly for it. Is that what you want?”
Maybe, just maybe that is how the others seem to me coping.
So, goodnight for the moment and see you on a better day…and don’t forget to ask those you may know who have “B.B” days, to reach out and ask them how you might be of help  . AND:and don’t be offended if they aren’t ready to accept your offer – one day when they ask you may they might just say yes!